I had a rough night with my daughter who was coughing and sick. She was up much too late/early in that groggy middle of the night time. At one point, too tired to sleep and too likely to be woken up again soon, I sat in meditation. I went to sit in my carefully curated … Continue reading Conditional Unconditional Love.
Spring Refresh.
I’ve been contemplating Imagination. For many reasons, Spring is when I feel drawn to explore this concept. In the past I have found this framework helpful for my situation and I would like to share it in the hopes that it might help someone else as well. Imagination from a place of Nervous System Regulation … Continue reading Spring Refresh.
Lottery, Trust, and Abundance.
I am experimenting with trust and abundance through a lottery ticket. I don’t often get the prompt to purchase one, but yesterday I was fueling my car and I did… and I followed through. I am scared that I won’t win. Scared? Why am I scared? 1- Because my trust may be invalidated. 2- Because … Continue reading Lottery, Trust, and Abundance.
Conscious Gifting.
Gifts are something I desire to spend more time contemplating. I want to get gifts that are special and aligned with the aspirations and desires of the recipient. I feel like Christmas, Birthday, and other presents should support who the recipient wants to be as they move into a new calendar year or year of … Continue reading Conscious Gifting.
Elixirs.
Water. I'm struggling to think expansively about what I desire today. Unconditional Love feels difficult. I'm repeating old memories and I'm actually not even sure they're memories or loud thoughts that over time have taken on the status of memories. It's a bit disappointing when I'm trying to shift my Awareness towards what I desire, … Continue reading Elixirs.
Seeds.
All desires are seeds that we plant with one of two things: Deliberate awareness of what we would like to happen, or with the unexamined patterns of our day-to-day lives. Do you like where you're at and what surrounds you in this present moment? You might be! But if you're at all curious about how … Continue reading Seeds.
Fear.
I feel like there is a difference between self-preservation and fear. Fear is contemplative. It is something that you have time and space to deliberate and is a gradual slide toward dysregulation. There are very real protective mechanisms but what I'm talking about is not that... it's not an instant Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn system response. It's a … Continue reading Fear.
“I’m so grateful.”
'I'm so grateful' this morning for my recognition of the fact that I often cut off my inner voice and dysregulation by thinking the bulldozing thought "I'm so grateful." It becomes a way to shift my state temporarily by smashing down any dysregulation. It becomes a way to avoid feeling or working on feeling discomfort, … Continue reading “I’m so grateful.”
3 am.
A little light. A candle. My body loves the silence that surrounds me. The smell of the candle I chose. The taste of the drink I made. The feeling of the warm clothing I wear in the chill air. The dim and comforting light that comes from a lamp, a candle, and my dimmed screens … Continue reading 3 am.
Otto.
Sweetest Otto. My dog passed away a month ago. He was 14. I loved (love?) him so much and I don’t feel like anything I could ever say can capture the experience that I had of being his person over the years as accurately as I would like. But I will try because all I … Continue reading Otto.