I am feeling restrained by mindfulness this morning. My desire to do *everything* is flared. But this nagging feeling comes in: ‘remember mindfulness, remember this body, embody a regulated nervous system.’ I rebel. I feel this desperate urge to MOVE, to DO, to PRODUCE, to ACHIEVE, and even at this moment, to WRITE. It is … Continue reading To Do or To Untangle.
'I'm so grateful' this morning for my recognition of the fact that I often cut off my inner voice and dysregulation by thinking the bulldozing thought "I'm so grateful." It becomes a way to shift my state temporarily by smashing down any dysregulation. It becomes a way to avoid feeling or working on feeling discomfort, … Continue reading “I’m so grateful.”
That’s it. That’s the message for today. You can feel good. You can feel regulated and full of Awareness and full of the joyful calm that comes from knowing that you are an integral aspect of your Universe. The state of regulated Awareness is in contrast to Survival Ego- which is that panicky place that … Continue reading It is ok to feel peaceful.
There was a situation yesterday with the front door of my home. I should clarify; I felt a situation yesterday with the front door that I chose to paint yellow. I was laying on the living room sofa with the windows and door open. Some men from down the street were walking their dog past … Continue reading The Yellow Door.
A possibly unpopular boundary that I've needed to set for myself: If there is an emergency or an issue of urgency, please don’t call me first. Call who needs to be called- police for crime, fire department for fire, ambulance for a medical emergency, plumber for a leak, therapist for urgent counselling, etc. (To be … Continue reading Honestly. Please, don’t.
I cut my hair a while ago. Like, months ago. And I've known since it was happening that it was a mistake. It's a silly story that at my darkest moments makes me feel shame for feeling so petty and vain, but I really learned a lot from this experience. My hair was long. Longer … Continue reading Experience.
There are times where I am so tired. I am weary from being afraid and feeling imperfect. I get pinned underneath the weight of my stories. It's in this place, when I get good and quiet, that I encounter a feeling... The desperation eases and I feel hope. It's a whisper, to be sure. But … Continue reading Perfect.
Kintsugi, is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.Wikipedia My mindfulness allows me to reconcile the fact that I feel broken. I can sit with this feeling … Continue reading Repair.