Water. I'm struggling to think expansively about what I desire today. Unconditional Love feels difficult. I'm repeating old memories and I'm actually not even sure they're memories or loud thoughts that over time have taken on the status of memories. It's a bit disappointing when I'm trying to shift my Awareness towards what I desire, … Continue reading Elixirs.
All desires are seeds that we plant with one of two things: Deliberate awareness of what we would like to happen, or with the unexamined patterns of our day-to-day lives. Do you like where you're at and what surrounds you in this present moment? You might be! But if you're at all curious about how … Continue reading Seeds.
I feel like there is a difference between self-preservation and fear. Fear is contemplative. It is something that you have time and space to deliberate and is a gradual slide toward dysregulation. There are very real protective mechanisms but what I'm talking about is not that... it's not an instant Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn system response. It's a … Continue reading Fear.
September is here. School is back on. Autumn is 3 weeks away. This has always been a time of change for me. I've found myself so dysregulated lately, the last week particularly, and I have seen it as another opportunity to explore. Why am I so stressed out? My daughter is going back to school. … Continue reading Changes.
Heart. I am sitting wearing noise-cancelling headphones, next to the running clothes washer. I have been awake for hours, and off and on for hours before that. Waking up and meeting needs and having soothing conversations and interactions. Praying each time to show up in kindness- again and again. I feel numb- like my body … Continue reading For Nurturers.
A possibly unpopular boundary that I've needed to set for myself: If there is an emergency or an issue of urgency, please don’t call me first. Call who needs to be called- police for crime, fire department for fire, ambulance for a medical emergency, plumber for a leak, therapist for urgent counselling, etc. (To be … Continue reading Honestly. Please, don’t.
Oh, Spring! I am feeling the call to do all of the things again. The weather is getting nice and warm. The grass is starting to grow again. The plants are coming back. The sun is shining for longer hours. I'm ready to put the winter gear away. I know it's a mistake- it's too … Continue reading Spring Cleaning. Again.
I cut my hair a while ago. Like, months ago. And I've known since it was happening that it was a mistake. It's a silly story that at my darkest moments makes me feel shame for feeling so petty and vain, but I really learned a lot from this experience. My hair was long. Longer … Continue reading Experience.
There are times where I am so tired. I am weary from being afraid and feeling imperfect. I get pinned underneath the weight of my stories. It's in this place, when I get good and quiet, that I encounter a feeling... The desperation eases and I feel hope. It's a whisper, to be sure. But … Continue reading Perfect.
I feel like I've come to the other side of something more than just Winter. I spent February resting as per my list of monthly focus topics. It was beautiful to release all pressure on myself. No pressure to go out. No pressure to have the neatest home. No pressure to be the most organized. … Continue reading Emerge.